i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
