i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i now understand why vodka
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
