Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
