Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
