I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
