Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
