How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We had sex on a dog bed..
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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