I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
