I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Semen is not good for contacts.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
