you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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