Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
