I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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