The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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