Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
