I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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