Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
