what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
meet me or not, i'm out of control
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
