I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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