Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
