I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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