I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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