I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Such a big mess for such a small penis
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
