Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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