I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
