i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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