Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
