I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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