90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
