Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Houston, we have a squirter
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
