Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
being pregnant is like rehab
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
