Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
