She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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