Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
