no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
A+ Viking dick
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You are a genius and a whore.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
