Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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