hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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