Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
