It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
