hotel room ftw
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize