I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
