i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
