she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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