You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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