Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
