I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
