checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
