I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
