theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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