kristin has been a bad kristin
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
