Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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